Welcome to the 4 part series that explores the 4 Stages of the classic commitment-phobic relationship.
People often ask us why we are so passionate about the topic of commitment-phobia.
Commitment-phobia is the leading cause of relationship breakup in society today. It is also the culprit of the worst form of heartbreak because it does not offer closure, or even clarity. Without understanding the indicators of commitment phobia, it makes it virtually impossible to truly learn from your relationship mistakes without creating the confusion that sabotages the trust and ability to love again.
This 4 part series will explain step-by-step, how a warm heart turns into a cold shoulder.
Part 1 – The Beginning: They Must Have You.
The hot pursuit: you have been targeted. The gun goes off and the chase begins! Your pursuer is obviously hooked and makes it their personal mission to win you over. They are overt with their intentions, telling you whatever you need to hear to reciprocate their longing for your affection. No mountain is too high or river too deep for this persistent romantic.
How long can this possibly go on? As long as it takes to win your heart and most importantly, they reach the point where a FULL commitment is required. It could take years, or months or days. How easily can you be swept off your feet?
With the helpful insights from authors Steven Carter and Julia Sokol…
The following are the signs you are being pursued by a commitment phobic person:
Please note that these may also be the signs of a healthy relationship – the difference is that everything moves at an accelerated pace or with greater intensity.
The Pursuer and Avoid-er
This list describes the “pursuer” in a commitment phobic relationship. There is also an “avoid-er” who tends to resist the advances to avoid getting close too quickly. Without the imminent fear of total commitment, this dance exacerbates the pursuer and makes them feel safe to intensify the chase.
Some of these points are also elements in a healthy long term relationship – calling to “just say hello” for instance. Note that this is only the first stage of a four part pattern of relationship sabotage. You will see the difference in the next article that discusses the first signs of panic. Part 2 – The Middle: Now that they have you – they feel scared.
To make this conversation more relevant to you, ask yourself these questions: